Do Women Really Support Women at Work?

Since I attended my first Women in Nuclear event, I’ve been thinking a lot about how women relate to each other at work.

When I Was Starting Out

When I was starting my career (some time ago now...), I heard a sentence that stuck with me: 

“If you can’t rely on men to get promoted or recognised, you can rely even less on women.”

It stung - partly because I didn’t want to believe it, partly because sometimes it felt true.

In male-populated industries, we often assume women will instinctively back each other up. But in reality, workplace dynamics are rarely that simple. Some find it easier to work with men, not because they prefer them, but because it can feel less complicated. Less competitive.

Being the only woman in a group of men isn’t always easy, but it can have its advantages. I’ve experienced it firsthand. Sometimes it’s easier to break the ice, find your place, or stand out. I remember attending a conference in Europe a few years back and joking that I’d probably be the only pregnant person in the room. It made me noticeable - though not necessarily for the right reasons.

When Competition Replaces Collaboration

Some say this rivalry goes way back - that evolution wired women to compete for survival and status. But biology isn’t destiny. Workplaces have evolved, and so can we.

Maybe the question isn’t “Do women support women?” but “What gets in the way when we don’t?”

• Scarcity - the sense there’s room for only one of us at the table. 

• Mistrust - expecting harsher judgement from each other. 

• Fear - of being seen as “too much” if we lift one another too loudly.

And there’s something we rarely talk about: what women sometimes do to their peers. The ones who “made it” - who earned their seat at the table or found themselves in a tight circle of men - can become gatekeepers. Whether it’s in high school or in the workplace, some women protect their advantage by keeping others out. Social exclusion becomes the currency of competition.

What Equality Really Means

Something I want to make clear. I’m a feminist. And I know many women and men who are too.

To me, feminism simply means believing in equal rights and opportunities - in life, and in the workplace.

It’s easy to forget how recent some of these rights are. In many Western countries, women couldn’t open a bank account or access credit in their own name until the 1960s or 70s. We’ve only been voting for about a century in most places. That’s one or two generations.

So yes, equality is still catching up.

But my wish is simple: that I’d be chosen to work with, lead, or partner with because of my competence, not because of my chromosomes. That my ovaries wouldn’t weigh in on the opportunities I access. That the playground would finally be level - where everyone can participate, compete, and collaborate, regardless of gender and other criteria which make us all different.

Because real progress isn’t women advocating for women, or women against men. It’s all of us, against inequality. And while I speak from my experience as a woman, I know these dynamics can exist across all identities.